Gabriele Munter

Gabriele Munter was a German Expressionist painter. She lived from 1877 until 19762.

Munter was both Kandinsky's girlfriend and student (at the Phalanx School). They traveled together where she picked up some of his style but mostly moved toward Expressionist influences. She also began painting glass. She joined an art group founded by Kandinsky and Franz Marc called Der Blaue Reiter, where she found herself interested in Kandinsky's abstract art, yet more drawn towards figurative art in her own work. Some humor is often found in her work. She moved to Switzerland when WWI broke out, and with the move came her separation from Kandinsky.

I found this work interesting because in it I see layers of her relationship with Kandinsky, with the bright colors, while at the same time seeing the more expressionist side of her with the more realistic lines and details.

At the Community Center

Well the whole day was just a bundle of nerves.

Thoughts during repeating: O shit i've done this before i shouldn't suck at this why do i suck why is my partner so much better than be AHHH

Thoughts during repeating with Luke: O shit why did I volunteer to work with luke i'm going to embarrass myself I don't want to be told I suck AHHH

Thoughts after repeating with Luke: Firstly, I was thankful to have a teacher that cares about us and wants to make us comfortable while critiquing us (not sucking up, I swear) and I'm not going to be an expert from doing this two years ago! Obviously it takes time. Hmm...maybe I should breath again.

Letting go is always hard for me. It takes a lot of work to not think (i'm aware of how that statement seems). Which is why in repeating I need to resist the urge to make things interesting. It would have been better off to say "anxiety" if that's what I was thinking (which I was.) And this was also my biggest challenge in the blindfolding exercise. As I said when we were talking afterwards, if I really wanted to, I could have kept track of where I was and figured it out. But I forced myself to let go and enjoy the excursus. For me, trust was more about "letting go" than "letting in" (by the way, Luke, I really like that saying, did you say that or were you quoting someone?) because I had to let go of the control, something that is not easy for me. Trusting in general is hard for me. When we were outside the community center I could hear the cars whizzing by and was sure for a moment I was being led into oncoming traffic (that's not a reflection on Jesse, but a comment on my own neuroses.)

I feel like i've lost my opportunity (this is more of a note to myself)

Tonight I started the plumbing on two projects from last year, and went back to a writing project from last year.

I couldn't even bring myself to open the file.

I'm in a better place now and it's scary for me to have to think like i was thinking last year. But I know I have to finish. But I feel like i've lost the opportunity to work on that play because i'm in a healthier place.

And i'm scared i'm forgetting the details. so so scared. I think I lost the paper I gave kenny last year where I was brutally honest and I'm slowly slipping and yet not at all.

I can use the letter

if i ever finish it

This was going to be an apology blog but I'm not supposed to be doing that.

Today in class I was extremely anxious and I couldn't sit still and I was worried that I was distracting people and being interruptive and annoying and my first thought was "how can I apologize to the whole class for this? I know, I'll blog." If I had a negative affect on anyone, then I am extremely sorry.

However, I'm not supposed to be apologizing for things like this.

Which brings me back to something I wrote in my first blog post, about wanting to create art out of this whole "I'm sorry" thing. At the moment, I'm not 100% sure of how I want to do this, but I have been giving it a lot of thought.

I want to make some sort of performance piece related to something happening every time I apologize. Over the summer I was told jokingly "put a dollar in the middle" every time I apologized in group. I kind of want to base something off of that, like with money falling from the sky and stuff. How to pull this off is beyond me, but I'm going to take it one step at a time.

I plan to start writing down when I apologize unnecessarily or think I should.

Child In Red

As I expressed in class, I had a very strong personal reaction to "Child In Red" by Rilke. I had like this burst of energy from relating so much, The poem was inspiring. It made me want to get better, made me want to go to my friends who are struggling and say "Hey! Read this, it'll help!" I may just do that actually.

Firstly, as I said in class I wanted to run to both Luke and my therapist and talk about what it made me feel. I felt like I was on a high. It was an artistic experience that I'd never had before. I was emotionally exhausted, I wanted to go home and sleep, and I wanted to read more poems (which I tried but I couldn't focus on them. There was still so much more to feel)

And yet the last stanza kind of upset me. It made me think of sickness instead of health. So I tried to reming myself that the red dress is health. But it wouldn't stick. Something deeper is going on with me in that last stanza. I'm anxious and excited to find out.

Now on to writing our own. I didn't want to, because I didn't want o ruin it with what I see as my crap and cliches. But I guess i knew I had to. I went back to ripping myself apart unfortunately , felt as if it was no where near good enough of course. But as Luke pointed out, once I shut up, I got something fairly good. Something very far from done, but something good.

Then I noticed that the two stanzas I have started with "I've..." and then "Now I" and the next one I started writing started with "Now." So I waslooking for an I've to fit, but so far nothing fits.

But I'll have to just keep going.

I've held this familiar pose until muscles rusted.

Now I treat the child with an old can.

I've rode along an immobile staircase,

Kissing my restrictive hand.

Now I walk over this shadow,

and stretch my landlegs in the sun.

That's all I have in any sort of order for now, but here are some other random lines that I like at the moment:

Now I count the birds and the feathers,

Though slowly,

Steps like a crawl.

I need to write this out.

I wonder if you knew we were both on this cruiseline to hell? opposite paths that never crossed obviously, but now that they have, i'm so curious. what if we had both been getting help at once? i'm so confused i can't believe it. i respect you more and at the same time and angry. i just realized that. i'm angry. it was my thing. that's sick. sick sick sick sick sick. but still. I just picture myself standing in group screaming FUCK MY LIFE as you walked through the door. i'm laughing at crying all at once. nothing makes sense. my world has been reduced to long island with kuwait and a splash of philly. i feel sick. im not sure why.

sorry for the vague-ness and cliche's but this needed to be posted. i'll probably keep adding to it.

^PostSecret postcard

Natasha

This summer I spent some time in group therapy, and thus i've at many inspiring, amazing people. I started writing some poetry based on some of the people i've met. This one is no where near done, but i'm looking for some constructive criticism.

Natasha:

how is it that something nursed in blood

could grow to shine so?

the ungrown and immarture,

with a destiny of beauty,

sucks at a poisonous breast. less like a lotus

more like a cactus.

spiny needles prick lips

as spiny words prick brains,

an organ so lovely.

and soon this baby grows.

this baby will impart love.

but a rash has been left with this body.

BARI B Q

It is best to go into a BARI B Q much like you'd go into a cold reading- planning on making things your own while following a basic script. Consider this recipe your script, and feel free to add your own touches. There is plenty of room for creativity!

List of Foods for a BARI B Q

Serves 6-8

2 pounds Bari Chopped meat.

16 oz Orange Juice

3 slices American Cheese

2 Potatoes.

3/4 cup Mayonnaise

1 Cup Ketchup

1 tbsp olive oil

6-8 Soccer Balls

Night before the BARI B Q:

Place 2 pounds Bari chopped meat in tub. Using new shoes, dance on meat until tender.

Once meat is tender, roll into balls and pat firmly into patties.

Stir together Mayonnaise and ketchup until it is neatly blended. Then Pour in orange juice and mix with mayo-ketchup blend.

Soak patties in mixture overnight.

You have now made Orange Bari Burgers

Day of the BARI B Q:

Thinly slice potatoes and pan fry in olive oil.

Let potatoes cool.

Using a double boiler, melt cheese over open fire, stirring continuously.

Once fully melted, pour onto potatoes.

You have now made Cheese Fries.

Grill Orange Burgers on Bar-B-Q.

Chop soccer balls in half.

Use halved soccer balls as buns.

For most satisfying meal, serve Fresh-MANt iced tea at your BARI B Q.

Blogging instead of punching walls.

I'm furious at the moment but that's irrelevant to my post, just explains the title. I'm here on my laptop blogging instead of...punching walls.

I really enjoyed the painting. I just let go and was determined to fill the whole paper and was really into making the colors bleed together. It made there be neither shapes nor lines, just colors, and I found the white to be a great tool as I coated with it in random places. I was actually pleased with what I made.

"You're not here because you're clever, you're here because you're smart" -Luke

Although this quote came about in less than fortunate circumstances, it really got me thinking. I often feel like i'm not clever enough but I do feel like I have a lot to offer when it comes to pitching ideas or smarts. I contributed a lot of ideas today and though I doubted myself in the beginning, my confidence rose as the process went on. In those moments I remember that I am different, creative, and an artist, and those moments are just great.

I also got an idea for some sort of project relating to the concept of "i'm sorry." I find my best art comes out of issues or mistakes. And although I already have a lot on my plate, I want to see where this idea takes me. So I'll keep ideas in my journal and what not.

STAC Photo Parade

Leah’s skin looks really nice here. Also, it’s a very ‘Leah’ picture. It looks as if she’s winking for some reason.

This picture of Kalli is very straight on, it’s directly on her face, and she looks very pretty in it.

I really like the way my hair looks in this picture. You can see the piecey-ness and the color looks multi-faceted.

I think ashley’s eyes look the most focused on what’s going on in this picture, without looking like she’s getting ready for an inevitably crappy school photo.

This picture stood out to me because it is the least ‘Becky’ of all the pictures. In all the other ones she was smiling or laughing, this one is just a good portrayal of her face in neutral mode.

Kadambari (I’m sorry if I spelt your name wrong) looks like she’s thinking really hard in this picture, which made it an interesting picture. I want to know what she was trying to answer.

Lizy looks so happy in this picture, and she has a beautiful smile.

Leah’s eyes look big and shiny here, which makes it a cool picture.

This picture manages to capture Cassie’s ridiculous side while at the same time showing that she is pretty. I can almost hear Cassie saying something, though I can’t figure out what.

This picture was the most focused on Alex, with the least background noise.

The lines by Jill's nose when she laughs really stand out, and the picture really captures her natural beauty when she’s not even trying.

Doug looks very innocent here, like the little Doug I met back when he was in 8th grade.

Matt looks like he’s full of emotions in this picture, like he’s going to cry. If I hadn’t been there, and thus didn’t know what had been going on, I would wonder what someone said that he felt the need to hold back tears.

Jack has a great, interesting profile. Also, you can see the way his adam’s apple sticks out on his neck.

Jesse’s hands look like they’re the size of his head! The proportions look of creating a very funny shot.

Megan looks evil here, like she’s plotting something.

Maraid (I’m sorry for spelling your name wrong) Looks very deep in thought here, like she’s about to answer a hugely important question.

This really captures a feeling of “I don’t know” to the point where I can hear Juliana defending herself for something she was accused of but didn’t do.

Bobby looks very childlike in this picture which is an interesting contrast from both the other photos and reality.

This is the clearest picture of Jess. It is very natural looking

This picture of Elisa has such a nice, natural smile. She looks like she’s laughing, which is nice.

This picture captures the shy side of Nina that those of us who are close to her haven’t seen since we first met. She looks very happy.

This picture of Zach is great because it’s so funny. It’s as if he’s too tall to fit into the picture.

This is the clearest picture of Nick’s face, with the least distraction in the background.

I think this picture of Keren looks interesting because at first glance, you can’t tell if she’s laughing or crying.

The way this picture is structured makes you really look right at Hilary.

Molly looks very self satisfied and proud, like she is saying “Yeah, this is my awesome healing necklace.”

Although I’m not sure what Michelle was feeling in this picture, (confusion maybe? I know she was asked about pregnancy) she is clearly feeling it very strongly.

Ilana gives off a very shy, happy vibe in this picture, which is the feeling I get from her in real life.

This is a very “DEEEEN” picture, you can hear her random accents through the photo.

So I was looking through a website...

called "A Softer World" (google it, it's awesome. that's another goal, say to myself "if I like something this is my blog and I'll post it, fuck the rest of the world!") and I was kind of looking for something to connect to me because a lot of them are really cool and all but they don't connect. And then I literally stopped. My life right now...weird. It probably doesn't make sense to any of my blog readers, but here it is anyway.

Improv

Well I forgot to poost friday but I really just want to say that I enjoyed the improv on friday and moreso, I enjoyed the fact that I didn't faint with fear and/or generally do awfully. Although I enjoy improv, it's not my strongest suit, especially not in stac. I sound like i'm buttkissing here, but it's hard around people so talented. I always worry that i'll end up being ripped to shreds <--typical me right?

So I want to work on that this year.

I ALSO WILL FINISH THINGS THIS YEAR. I have like 3 projects that I haven't finished, some from last year. They will get done this year, i'm sick of never finishing anything. So that's my goal for the year I guess.