I couldn't even bring myself to open the file.
I'm in a better place now and it's scary for me to have to think like i was thinking last year. But I know I have to finish. But I feel like i've lost the opportunity to work on that play because i'm in a healthier place.
And i'm scared i'm forgetting the details. so so scared. I think I lost the paper I gave kenny last year where I was brutally honest and I'm slowly slipping and yet not at all.
I can use the letter
if i ever finish it
Nikki - you as a whole person are more important than art and old projects. YOU DON'T HAVE TO REVISIT AND FINISH. There is new work for you to do. In a few years perhaps, you will have the wherewithal needed to face the painful times in your life. Perhaps. though, that work you made last year helped you to get to where you are now, which is such a better place for you in all ways, and that was the point of that work - to not be completed, but to aid in your transformation and you are, in fact, the work of art.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about my artwork too, pertaining to writing about the different things I remember ging through last year. I think if I don't get it out, it'll fade away. But if I write about anything that puts me in the same emotional state as last year, I can't express how I feel. If amazing writing came out of me at that time, I might be more eager to revisit. But nothing incredible comes from me when I'm upset, I only sound like sad english singers. I think better having the wisdom from going through it, not from simply going through it. Make your hindsight of how you felt your source, instead of just how you felt
ReplyDeleteLuke, that may be one of the nicest things ever said to me. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAnd PollyMolly I know we've discussed this before and I agree. People say pain is good for art but it's really not always true. When your head isn't working nothing sounds good.