"that is why I love you"

I'm sitting in sociology right now trying not to cry. You guys are my desktop background, and now you guys are my facebook default picture because I really fucking miss my family. I knew I'd miss you guys but this is more than I'd ever imagine, and I can't move on. My parents are telling me that they know STAC was amazing for me but it's time to grow, and I know that I grew so much in my time there and that it's time to let myself see what college has to offer, but maybe I'm just in a bad mood right now but all I want is to be with you guys.

In my end of the year blog post, I said my favorite thing about last year was that I know I could go to any of you and you'd be there for me, and I'd be there for all of you. STAC, I need you guys. I don't know what to do with myself right now. I'm trying not to fall apart but it's so hard when I feel like no one in a 10 mile radius actually cares about me. I'm sorry for being so needy, I KNOW i can get out of this. But I really really miss you guys.

I'm stronger than this, I know I am, I'm strong enough to do this on my own. But if anyone out there cares, that would probably help a bit too.

I don't know what I need. I guess part of me needs a swift kick in the ass. I know I need to be more independent, but I'm also so stuck in the past with you guys.

"Too good for the world,

but I hope you will stay.

And I'll be here to see that you don't fade away."

-Beautiful Freak, Eels

STAC, please don't let me fade away.

ps: last friday night the campus improv group performed at the dinner i went to. i actually couldn't sit there, i excused myself to the bathroom because they were AWFUL. I started texting STACies about how bad they were and how much i wished STAC was up there. Everyone around me was laughing and I didn't get it. Maybe I was just being pretentious, but they were really bad!