I really feel homeless. I've felt this for a while, like since getting home for break, but suddenly, with the realization of how scared I am to go back to school, it feels so much worse. I hate being home, I don't feel like I belong here, my family annoys me more than usual, and I'm just all around bored. But I'm scared to go back to school. In typical me fashion, I'm more worried about the social stuff than I am the school work (though that'll probably hit me once classes start). I still don't have a group I can regularly rely on, I still don't feel like I belong. I hang out with the theatre department but they're not my friends, they're people I hang out with because we're around each other a lot. I don't belong at home, and I don't belong at school.
Plus I don't know the last time I created art. I try and try but everything comes out as complete crap. I'm losing it. I'm losing everything. It's becoming harder and harder to care about myself.
I don't love school. I don't hate school. I don't love home. I don't hate home.
I'm homeless.
I agree, social college is much harder than academic college, and I sincerely miss having a real group of people "I can regularly rely on." But I think... I think I can find a place here. I can feel that there's something missing, that it'll happen. This is like. The first year of STAC. It has to get better.
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