At the Community Center

Well the whole day was just a bundle of nerves.

Thoughts during repeating: O shit i've done this before i shouldn't suck at this why do i suck why is my partner so much better than be AHHH

Thoughts during repeating with Luke: O shit why did I volunteer to work with luke i'm going to embarrass myself I don't want to be told I suck AHHH

Thoughts after repeating with Luke: Firstly, I was thankful to have a teacher that cares about us and wants to make us comfortable while critiquing us (not sucking up, I swear) and I'm not going to be an expert from doing this two years ago! Obviously it takes time. Hmm...maybe I should breath again.

Letting go is always hard for me. It takes a lot of work to not think (i'm aware of how that statement seems). Which is why in repeating I need to resist the urge to make things interesting. It would have been better off to say "anxiety" if that's what I was thinking (which I was.) And this was also my biggest challenge in the blindfolding exercise. As I said when we were talking afterwards, if I really wanted to, I could have kept track of where I was and figured it out. But I forced myself to let go and enjoy the excursus. For me, trust was more about "letting go" than "letting in" (by the way, Luke, I really like that saying, did you say that or were you quoting someone?) because I had to let go of the control, something that is not easy for me. Trusting in general is hard for me. When we were outside the community center I could hear the cars whizzing by and was sure for a moment I was being led into oncoming traffic (that's not a reflection on Jesse, but a comment on my own neuroses.)