This summer I spent some time in group therapy, and thus i've at many inspiring, amazing people. I started writing some poetry based on some of the people i've met. This one is no where near done, but i'm looking for some constructive criticism.
Natasha:
how is it that something nursed in blood could grow to shine so?
the ungrown and immarture,
with a destiny of beauty,
sucks at a poisonous breast. less like a lotus
more like a cactus.
spiny needles prick lips
as spiny words prick brains,
an organ so lovely.
and soon this baby grows.
this baby will impart love.
but a rash has been left with this body.
I pretty much agree with you. thanks for the constructive criticism. it's strange but even though it's not done I felt the need to post it.
ReplyDeleteI agree about the ending though at the moment I may leave "spiny."
i'll edit as I write more.
"how is it that something nursed in blood "
ReplyDeleteAHHH! Amazing! What a unique way of looking at it. I agree with Cassie on the last line thing. I don't mind but I specifically don't like "babyish". But yeah there's some great stuff/potential in this.