I've gotten a lot stupider within the past few years of this decade

And I don't mean that in the usual Nicole self-anger way. I mean I've legitimately gotten stupider. Besides the fact that I used to be a straight A student despite my problems, I don't READ anymore. I can't remember the last book I read all the way through. I used to love reading. What the fuck is with me? I'm so mad at myself I'm like seeing red. I need to read. I need a good book to read. I'll probably read Life Without [youknowwhogrrrrrr] soon. Hopefully it's worth it.

And back to what I said about grades...I was home-schooled for about 3 months in 7th grade due to anxiety reasons. I still got great grades. But I don't know if now I'm lazier or I just can't deal with problems as well. Maybe it's that my problems have gotten bigger? I don't even know anymore. Time to get my ass into gear, time to get some good mid-year grades to colleges, time to get into more colleges and not get rejected after being accepted for grades dropping.

O wait, I can't. Fuck.

And let me explain the difference between this and my old self pity bullshit. I'm not self pitying. I don't want anyone else's pity. I'm just SO angry with myself I can barely breathe. I'm just fucking angry.

Peace out cub scouts.